Fear Is My Homeboy

Judi Holler

📚 GENRE: Personal Development

📃 PAGES: 151

✅ COMPLETED: November 21, 2023

🧐 RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Short Summary

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.” In Fear Is My Homeboy, Judi Holler sets out to prove exactly that, exploring how fear holds us back and why attacking it, rather than running from it, is the key to overcoming anything we face.

Key Takeaways

1️⃣ Love Yo’self! — Self-love and gratitude are the foundation of a successful, fear-conquering mindset. Every day, you have to commit to loving yourself and focusing your attention on all of the great things you have going for you, because there are a lot. When you have a foundation of self-love, it gives you a sense of security about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and failing because you don’t put as much weight on what others might think about you. You love and respect yourself, and that’s what matters.

2️⃣ Fear Ain’t Going Anywhere — Scary things will never get less scary. The only way to conquer fear is to get stronger, and the way you get stronger is by constantly exposing yourself to the thing you’re scared of. When you constantly attack your fear (rather than run away from it), you end up developing the confidence and skills needed to overcome it. This doesn’t mean you won’t fail, especially at first. In fact, it might be ugly at the start. But if you keep taking action and keep attacking your fear, you will eventually get to a point where it no longer phases you.

3️⃣ Put Yourself First — It isn’t selfish to put yourself first. Life is so short, and we all have a limited amount of time here. Know yourself and what you can and can’t handle. Prioritize yourself and your health, do the things you want to do, spend time with the people you want to spend time with, disconnect from the world once in awhile, and say ‘no’ to anything you don’t really want to do. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be thoughtful toward people, but it’s important to remember that you come first.

Favorite Quote

“I look at it this way: I work hard as hell on myself; I work hard as hell to love myself and lift up others; and I put in the work to be the best version of myself every damn day. So why would I allow someone who does not put in the work and someone who does not love themselves to kill my vibe? I won't.”

Book Notes 📑

Preface

  • Judi Holler — The author of this book, Judi is a keynote speaker, podcaster, best-selling author, and entrepreneur who also graduated from The Second City Training Center’s Conservatory in Chicago, where she trained as an improv artist. 
  • Read Books! — Judi is an avid reader who attributes a lot of her success to reading. There is so much wisdom contained in books. As a lifelong learner, reading should always be part of your daily routine. 
    • Quote (P. X): “As a bookworm myself, some of my greatest heroes and mentors have been the authors who have had the guts to sit down and do the work, penning their own books to share their ideas with the world. These books have certainly changed my life, and I attribute reading books to most of my success because I truly believe books are the gateway to greatness!”
  • Embracing Fear — The premise of this book is that everyone should embrace fear rather than run from it. Fear holds us back by preventing us from doing what we want to do and living how we want to live, and it can even lead to a life full of regret if it isn’t addressed. Your mindset should be to attack fear. Address it head on. That’s Judi’s core message in this book. 
    • Quote (P. XII): “I came to realize that the only thing that holds us back from what we really want is fear, and this includes all of our excuses.”
    • Quote (P. XII): “Instead of wasting so much energy trying to get rid of my fear or outrun it, I realized it was time to take a deep breath and make space for it. For me, this means that when fear shows up, instead of letting it boss me around and call all the shots in my life, I needed to pause — to feel it, say hello, welcome it, and take a good look at it — because most of the time when fear shows up, it’s there for a reason. Often it’s there to show you what you need to do next.”

Introduction

  • Make Fear Your Homeboy — To conquer the fear holding you back in your life, you have to consciously embrace it and even have gratitude for it. You have to make fear your “homeboy.” This isn’t easy, but by flipping your attitude towards fear, you can begin to overcome it and melt it away. Living your life scared of everything is no way to live. You’re never going to outrun fear; the only way to beat it is by attacking it head on. 
    • Quote (P. 2): “Making Fear Your Homeboy means that you develop gratitude for your fear — and it’s not easy. While it may feel a little uncomfortable at first, this notion of being grateful for feeling afraid will help you get stronger. You will stop wasting your precious energy trying to get rid of something you’ll never be able to outrun in the first place.”
  • Fear-LESS, Not Fearless — Being brave doesn’t mean that you literally don’t feel fear. Being brave means you feel fear, but you do it anyway. Being brave means you take action and don’t allow fear to hold you back and prevent you from doing what you really want to do. Being brave means you live without regret. Fear wins the second you let it prevent you from taking an action you really want to take. 
    • Quote (P. 3): “To be brave doesn’t mean you have found a way to get rid of or conquer your fear. Being ‘brave’ does not mean being fearless; however, being brave does mean that you fear-LESS. Braveness requires action. You can’t sit there doing nothing and consider it being brave.”
    • Quote (P. 3): “Regardless of your age or your gender, however, the common bravery denominator is action. Bravery is doing something when you are afraid.”

Ch. 1: Love Yourself

  • Love Yo’self! — Self-love and gratitude are the foundation of a successful mindset and approach. Everything starts here. Every day, you have to commit to loving yourself and focusing your attention on all of the great things you have going for you, because there are a lot. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? When you love yourself, you simply don’t care what anyone else thinks about you because you love who you are and what you’re about. Everyone else can kick rocks if they don’t like you — that’s the mindset that develops. Encourage yourself. Lift yourself up. Be your own No. 1 fan. When you do, fear begins to melt and you don’t care as much about the opinions of other people.
    • Quote (P. 7): “If you can’t figure out how to love yourself first, you will never be able to make fear your homeboy. It’s the #1 requirement; because if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? When you love yourself more than anything, fear doesn’t stand a chance because no matter what happens good, bad, or ugly — you know you will be okay.”
    • Quote (P. 8): “I mean would you ever work for someone who talked to you the way you talk to yourself?”
    • Quote (P. 14): “Self-love shifts focus from a fear-based ‘everything is going wrong’ to a faith-based ‘everything is just as it should be.’”
  • Put Yourself First — You need to put yourself first, and it’s not selfish to do so. At the end of the day, this is your life — prioritize yourself and your health, do the things you want to do, spend time with the people you want to spend time with, and say ‘no’ to anything you don’t really want to do. Again, it is not selfish to put yourself first. Prioritize yourself and go for your goals. 
  • Avoid Negativity and Drama — If a certain thought or feeling doesn’t serve you and doesn’t bring you closer to where you want to be, you need to ditch it. Life is too short for negativity and drama. Love yourself, talk yourself up, and have an attitude of gratitude. Keep your focus on these things rather than jealousy, self-doubt, shit-talking, negativity, and drama. Having those kinds of thoughts and emotions is a complete waste of time and energy. 
  • Trust Yourself — Trust in your talent and abilities! You should have the mentality of “wanting the ball.” You should be thinking that nobody else is better for the job (no matter what it is) than you. Have confidence and belief in yourself. Have a mentality that says, “there’s nobody else I would want doing this more than me.”
    • Quote (P. 11): “When you really start trusting and believing that what you have is good enough, fear doesn’t stand a chance.”
    • Quote (P. 11): “One of the first things I did to unlock my power was to start trusting myself. I mean really trusting myself. I had to trust that I am good enough and that what I have to offer matters.”
  • Attitude of Gratitude — This really is such an important approach to life. Your mindset and attitude must start with gratitude. Whether it’s health, family, or something “small” like being able to breathe or wiggle your toes — there is so much to be grateful for, and spending time thinking about the negatives in life is ultimately pretty selfish. When you live life with gratitude on your mind at all times, you can’t help but feel joy. You can’t help but love yourself and everyone else. You can’t help but love life.
    • Quote (P. 14): “I mean, look at you… you are alive! Your heart pumps blood through your body and beats more than one hundred thousand times a day so that you can walk around this beautiful earth. You have cells and molecules and organs and all kinds of other sciency stuff that allows you to travel, earn money, fall in love, eat good food, laugh, read this book right now, and oh yeah… breathe! I mean, we can’t forget about that!”
    • Quote (P. 15): “One simple shift I made to help me remember how good I have it is when I look in the mirror, instead of being upset about my reflection or finding my flaws, I think about how there is someone my age somewhere right now in a hospital on life support or very sick. Thinking of this unfortunate person reminds me that I’m not broken or ill. I’m here, alive — very much alive — healthy, and happy. These things are such a privilege. There is nothing to fix. There are only things to be grateful for.”
  • Imposter Syndrome — Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. “Imposters” suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence.
  • Fear & Excuses: Take a Step — Fear manifests itself in many ways, one of the most notable being excuses. And fear and excuses are what keep you from growing. They keep you in place: stuck, safe, and the same (or worse) than you were the day before. The key to overcoming excuses? Take one small step. Create some forward momentum. This might mean actually signing up for, and later attending, a Toastmasters class to improve your public speaking. It might mean watching a few YouTube videos to begin learning a new skill you’re interested in developing. The key is just to take one small step toward overcoming your fear and excuses. Building some forward momentum is critical.
    • Quote (P. 18): “All it takes is one small first step. We don’t need you to run the marathon yet; we simply need you to sign up for the race.”
  • There’s Never a “Perfect” Time — There will never be a “perfect” time to do the thing you really want to do. We like to try to time things up and strike at the ideal moment, but the longer you wait, the more likely fear is going to get the best of you by creating excuses in your head. Do it now. Strike now. Otherwise, if you don’t take the leap of faith and act, you’re going to be stuck in your comfort zone forever.
    • Quote (P. 116): “You will never be ready; no one ever feels truly ‘ready.’ This is why you must start BEFORE you are ready. If you are sitting around waiting for things to be perfect — for more resources, more experience, more knowledge — before you start, you’ll be waiting a long time. Real talk: perfect doesn’t exist, and anything that you feel looks perfect only got that way because someone had the courage to start in the first place.”
  • Beat Procrastination With Action — The only way to beat procrastination is to simply do the work. You have to find a way to get started, because the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to begin. One of the best ways to “trick” yourself into starting is by forcing yourself to do a small part of the project to build some momentum. Rather than thinking about the project as a whole, think of it in pieces. For example, don’t think about writing an entire book; instead force yourself to sit down and write one page. Once you get started, you’ll find that it’s easy to continue on well past your initial target.
    • Quote (P. 19): “The only way you can stop procrastination is with action. So I set a timer for ten minutes and made myself do just ten minutes of work on the workshop. When the timer went off, I could either stop or keep going if I’d caught a vibe and felt inspired. Then I’d do it again the next day and the next day. It broke the big scary thing I had to do down into manageable time chunks, which created momentum instead of what ifs. Before I knew it, I had an outline, and most days those ten-minute time chunks turned into an hour because that momentum gave me the motivation to keep going.”
  • Prepare for the Storm — No matter who you are, life is going to throw some challenging times your way. How are you going to handle the adversity? The key is to love yourself. When you do, your foundation is solid and you know it’s going to be OK once the dust settles. Self-love is so important when it comes to weathering the storms life throws at you.
    • Quote (P. 19): “You must brace yourself for the tough stuff. No one gets out of this life alive. Each of us will feel pain, sadness, and hurt. Yet when you love yourself, while you may lose your breath when that roller coaster drops, you know you’ll be okay. You have built a foundation that is solid, and you know that no matter what, you are exactly where you are meant to be.”
  • Fresh Grace Erryday — When someone doesn’t like you or says/does something nasty toward you, they are most likely upset about something going on in their own life. Although it might not feel like it, their actions are not personal toward you. They’re likely not happy in their own life, and they end up directing that unhappiness at you. The truth is that truly happy people don’t have any hate for others — they accept everyone for who they are and are too busy loving themselves and appreciating the blessings in their life to be negative toward anyone else. So the next time someone is negative toward you, take it in stride and understand what may be going on behind the scenes to motivate the hate.
    • Quote (P. 20): “One of the ideas that gives me grace when I’m dealing with people who’ve hurt me is the idea that only hurt people hurt people. It’s as simple as that. People who hurt others emotionally, physically, and/or mentally do not love themselves. This is one of the most destructive side effects of not loving yourself.”
  • Kick Rocks! — When you are working on yourself every day and pushing yourself to be better, it gives you a great sense of confidence, self-love, and belief in your own abilities. If people don’t like you, they can kick rocks. You know that you’re doing the right things, putting in the work, and pushing yourself when 99% of other people aren’t doing it. Their opinions of you don’t matter. All that matters is that you’re working hard to be better every day and taking the time to appreciate the beautiful things in your life. When you’re working hard to improve and grow, love yourself and be proud of who you are and what you’re about.
    • Quote (P. 20): “I look at it this way: I work hard as hell on myself; I work hard as hell to love myself and lift up others; and I put in the work to be the best version of myself every damn day. So why would I allow someone who does not put in the work and someone who does not love themselves to kill my vibe? I won’t.”
  • Jealousy — Most people only want you to be successful to a certain point. When you “surpass” them (in their mind), they’re no longer going to root for you. It’s human nature for jealousy to kick in at that point. It’s important to understand that as you push yourself to grow and improve, because success is inevitable when you’re constantly trying to get better. Some people may start to treat you different. 
  • Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable — Part of attacking fear is doing things that you are uncomfortable with, sometimes deeply uncomfortable with. You have to try to melt the fear away, and the only way to do that is by repeatedly exposing yourself to what you’re scared of. You get the greatest growth payoffs when you do things you are uncomfortable with. Public speaking is a good example. The more you get up in front of people and speak, whether that’s at Toastmasters or in work meetings, the more experience you gain and the more comfortable you get. If you stick with it, you’ll be giving a TED talk in no time!
    • Quote (P. 23): “You see, it’s not supposed to be easy all the time, and the only way to grow is by getting uncomfortable and choosing courage. And boy, was I uncomfortable! But I was also growing. It’s in feeling discomfort that you start to become who you really are.”
  • Create a ‘Worry List’ — One of the best ways to alleviate your anxiety about things is to keep a ‘worry list.’ On the list, write down in the left-hand column what is worrying you. In the corresponding right-hand column, write down the absolute worst case scenario if your fears actually came true and what you would do in response to try to recover. When you do this, it shows you how preposterous some of your worries are. More importantly, it gives you some sense of relief by creating hypothetical action plans to combat your worst case scenarios.
    • Quote (P. 25): “Listen, things will go wrong. It’s a part of life. Yet often we get so caught up in the stuff that could go wrong, we forget that everything can be figured out. So if there is something worrying you, make a list of all the stuff that is worrying you about this particular ‘thing’ you want to do or accomplish. Next to each item, on the right side, describe how you’d recover from each scenario, who could help you, and my favorite, has anyone less amazing than you figured it out?”
  • Chapter Takeaway — Lots of great stuff in this chapter. My biggest takeaway is to love yourself because, when you do, it gives you the foundation you need to take risks and attack your fears. When you love yourself, the opinions of other people become irrelevant, which gives you the freedom to do the things you’re scared of and not worry about what other people might think of you. You know you’ll be OK, because you’re riding with you no matter what. 

Ch. 2: The Universe Has Your Back

  • The Obstacle Is the Way — Every obstacle or challenge you encounter is a chance to test yourself and work on your skills. Whether it’s a skill or a personal quality, there’s always something you can work on and develop when an obstacle pops up. This is how you should look at challenges, rather than complaining and whining. See every obstacle as a chance to work on yourself and improve your skillset and resolve. This mindset can really set you free, because you will begin to embrace challenges instead of running from them. You’ll even be excited to tackle a difficult project instead of feeling anxiety about it. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve in some way; you just have to find it. And even if you come up short, failure is a stepping stone to success. You should actually be excited about failure.
    • Quote (P. 28): “When you trust yourself and the process, it gives you the courage to lean into new opportunities that are outside your comfy zone, like speaking onstage, asking for a promotion, or speaking up in a meeting, because you know you will be okay — even if you fail, or bomb, or mess up. In fact, these ‘mistakes’ are opportunities for growth.”
    • Quote (P. 28): “Because when you know that it’s okay to mess up, and actually that ‘messing up’ is required training in order to become even more badass at the thing you want to do, you slice through your fear, and realize that each time you struggle you are actually growing.”
      • Takeaway — This is the exact mindset you should have about failure. Ultimately, every failure is giving you a ton of lessons that will help you improve quickly. Failure is a stepping stone to success. 
    • Quote (P. 29): “Improvisers don’t see obstacles, we see opportunities. Improvisers don’t see change as an interruption but as an exciting introduction to what’s next.”
  • Faith > Fear — Faith topples fear every time. If you’re going to grow in life, you will have to do things that are scary. It’s a nonnegotiable part of the process. And when doing things that are scary and uncomfortable, you need to have faith — faith in yourself and faith in a higher power. The last thing you want to do is remain the same or get worse. Understand that growth requires doing things that are scary, and have faith when you make the leap.
    • Quote (P. 33): “The last time I checked, no one got anywhere great without having to dip their toes into the holy-crap-this-is-scary pond from time to time. All of the what ifs and BS stories living in your head have one job: to stop you from leveling up. When you have faith in yourself and trust that the universe always has your back, you can step out of fear and into who you were designed to be.”
  • Getting Stronger — Jim Rohn, one of the great modern philosophers and motivational speakers, once said: “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.” The same principle applies to fear. Scary things don’t get less scary; you just get stronger. When you’re constantly working on yourself and putting yourself in situations that are uncomfortable, you grow. When you grow, your skills improve. All of this growth leads to you being more confident in yourself and less scared of anything external. You end up developing the confidence and trust that you can handle anything. It’s about making yourself stronger. David Goggins talked about this at length in his book Can’t Hurt Me using his concept of “callousing the mind.” The more you push yourself to do hard things, the tougher you get. 
  • Visualize What You Want — It’s best to be present and in the moment whenever possible, but it’s also smart to think ahead. Have an eye toward the future and set goals for yourself. Create a five year plan for yourself, and work backwards. Chop it up into small “rungs in the ladder,” and begin working on the first rung with a lot of focus and concentration.
    • Quote (P. 35): “So make it a part of your life to constantly be visualizing, talking about, and taking action on steps to get you closer to the things you want.”
  • All About the Vibe — People don’t remember what you say, they remember how you make them feel. They pick up on your vibe and attitude, not your words. Love yourself, work hard, think positive things, push yourself to improve, go the extra mile, be thoughtful and kind, don’t talk crap, don’t complain, and control what you can control. When you do these things, people will pick up on it. Success will follow.
    • Quote (P. 36): “Human energy is a boomerang: what you put out, you will get back.”
    • Quote (P. 38): “When you love yourself, show up, work hard, and believe that you can do it … you better watch out — because that boomerang will come smack you in the head when you least expect it.”
  • Mindfulness: Stay In the Moment! — Mindfulness is all about keeping your attention in the present moment. Every time you catch your mind wandering and bring it back to the present moment, you’re practicing mindfulness and meditation. For example, if you catch yourself in your thoughts while you’re washing dishes, bring your attention back to the process of actually washing the dishes. Feel the dish in your hands. Smell the soap. Listen to the water running. This is mindfulness, and it can prevent your mind from running you over.
    • Quote (P. 38): “You are being mindful every time you become aware of where your attention is. Every time you simply notice what you are doing, that’s being mindful. You can practice mindfulness anywhere: on a spin bike, sitting on a plane, standing in line at the grocery store, or in your next conversation.”
  • Success Isn’t Lucky — A belief held by a lot of people is that successful people are “lucky.” Luck definitely plays a factor (you need things to bounce your way), but it’s more a result of hard work, discipline, and sacrifice. It’s the result of fighting like hell to get better every day. Over a long period of time, that kind of mindset and commitment will lead to a lot of growth and success. Other people who are envious and point to luck when they see a successful person are ultimately unhappy with themselves and have to find some kind of excuse as to why somebody else is doing much better than they are to make themselves feel better. 
  • Don’t Become a Slave to the Job — It’s very easy to let your job consume your life. Don’t allow it to happen. Put yourself first. Never allow your job to become a priority over your health, sleep, development, and family. You, your health, your sleep, your development, and your family should always come before your job. There are so many more important things in life than work. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work hard at your job and put in extra time throughout the week to separate yourself — that’s highly encouraged and I have no problem with that. But don’t allow yourself to become a 24/7 slave to the job. That’s not healthy at all.
    • Quote (P. 41): “Here’s the hard truth: you will never be caught up. Stop putting yourself last to chase around everyone else’s to-do list.”
    • Quote (P. 41): “Stop breaking promises to yourself. Stop canceling and not doing the things you really want to do. Make time with friends, go on vacations, hit the gym, take walks, read books, and go to the park with your kids. Make this MANDATORY on your schedule. Get your spouse on board. Make it a thing. A non-negotiable thing.”
  • Preparation Is Critical — Preparation is so important in all areas of life. Make it a habit to be prepared for everything. When you’re prepared, you increase your chances of a successful outcome. Famous golf instructor Butch Harmon once said, “Nothing beats pressure like preparation.” And it’s true. Make it a point to be prepared for everything, whether it’s meetings at work, a speech or presentation, a doctor’s appointment, or anything else. You can always prepare yourself. When you do, your nerves subside considerably and you increase your odds of success.
    • Quote (P. 43): “When you live in a world where anything can happen, preparation becomes your lifeline.”
    • Quote (P. 43): “Preparation is a huge part of bossing up, because preparation allows you to feel more comfortable doing the scary thing, which allows you to slay. Preparation shows your audience that you are a professional and that you mean business.”
  • Chapter Takeaway — Try to make yourself as strong as possible in every area of your life. You do this by consistently putting yourself in uncomfortable situations that literally force you to grow. If you do this often enough, you almost become numb to challenges because you have extreme trust in yourself and your skillset, regardless of what you’re up against. The key is to challenge yourself and attack what you’re scared of. Melt the fear away by doing what you’re scared of. Build your skills. 

Ch. 3: Balanced By Design

  • Prioritize Balance — With so much to do every day, it can feel difficult to achieve balance in life. Which is why balance is something you should consciously prioritize. This goes back to putting yourself first and being selfish with your time. You NEED to do these things. You can’t try to please everyone by doing what they want you to do 24/7. You MUST be very selective about how you want to spend your time and what you want to do. Do not become a slave to the job and other people’s expectations of you. Say “no.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with protecting your time and doing what you want to do, even if it’s something as simple as staying in and watching a movie.
    • Quote (P. 50): “The BEST thing you can do for your career, your family, and your health is to make YOURSELF a priority. Yet we now live in a culture that is moving at the speed of light and ‘crazy busy’ is glorified. It’s almost like being stressed out is a badge of honor. Really, it’s more like a badge of crazy.”
    • Quote (P. 51): “Usually when I do this exercise in my workshops, people don’t even include themselves on their list. And if they are on their list, they are #8, 9, or 10. This is an aha moment because you realize all of the people, places, and things you are putting ahead of yourself! And this has to change. Why? Because it’s the real culprit behind why we are so stressed out, anxious, and overwhelmed.”
    • Quote (P. 52): “Yet when this becomes the norm — all this doing for other people instead of for yourself — you are heading down a dangerous path. It is 100 percent okay to be selfish, because NOTHING else works unless you are happy, healthy, and taking care of yourself first.”
  • Lifelong Learning: Make Yourself Valuable — Jim Rohn once said, “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” Commit yourself to lifelong learning and develop your skills. Read books, watch YouTube videos, take classes, attend seminars, be curious about the world. The more you learn, the more valuable you become at work and the more attractive you become to other people. Spend most of your time on education, not entertainment. Stay focused on getting 1% better every day. Stay displayed to your daily routine. Becoming more and more valuable is the name of the game.
    • Quote (P. 54): “By doing small things every day to make yourself more competitive, you quickly become the one we can’t live without. Think about it: every day you have the stuff you must do and then there’s the ‘other stuff’ you seek out: new things to learn, books to read, podcasts to listen to, TED talks to watch, degrees to earn, classes to take, events to attend, boards to join. Picking yourself means adding time into your day so that you can do this ‘other stuff’ as much as (if not more than!!) the work you need to get done. When you pursue these ways of growing your mind, skillset, and network, you not only stay relevant, but you also become versatile. You will crush boundaries and your value will go up.”
    • Quote (P. 56): “Whether you are just starting out in business or you are a C-suite running a team, what you do every day to make yourself valuable is a business investment. You must work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”
  • Learning Leads to Opportunity — Building on the point above, the more stuff you learn in your personal development journey via books, classes, YouTube videos, etc., the more you can apply in your professional work, which makes you more valuable. The books I’ve read on marketing and copywriting, for example, have helped me become a better writer. They’ve helped me understand strategy, rhythm, and much more. By helping me become better at copywriting, these books have boosted my performance at work, helped me deliver tangible results, and made me more valuable to my company. The time you put into personal development outside of work has an added benefit of helping you in your professional career.
    • Quote (P. 55): “When you are so involved, curious, and open to improvement, you end up becoming even more valuable at your current job. The sales manager who builds a strong brand on social media opens doors to new customers. An HR manager who takes a tech class can end up building a new app for the organization. The VP of marketing who attends a conference brings the ideas back to the organization, lifting up others with these new ideas.”
  • Learning Leads to Confidence — Learning also leads to confidence. This goes back to a previous point about how your personal growth can toughen you up to a point where most challenges you encounter don’t feel quite as tough. The goal is to attack fear and develop your skills to a point where you build so much confidence and trust in yourself that you become a weapon; you feel like you can overcome anything. In this way, learning and personal growth is one of the best ways to counter anxiety. When you’re constantly pouring it on and working on yourself, there eventually comes a point where the trust and confidence you have in yourself far outweighs the anxiety you feel about most things in life.
    • Quote (P. 57): “When you invest in yourself, and your future self, you take the control away from fear and step into your power by building confidence and clarity around who you are and what you are capable of.”
  • Take Time to Disconnect — You need to put the phone away and disconnect. This needs to be a priority. Take time to disconnect from the world. Put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb.’ Refuse to check email outside of work. Do whatever you have to do to unplug from the world for a bit every day. This is a key part of achieving balance.
    • Quote (P. 57): “Whether you realize it or not, you are running the business of YOU, and a big part of making sure that bust ness is successful is making sure YOU are in control of your time and technology, not the other way around.”
    • Quote (P. 57): “The easiest way to feel out of balance and never really get focused is to allow the technology at our fingertips to lure us down a time-wasting path of comparison and distraction. If we want more balance, it’s simple: we must put down our phone, take breaks from social media, and stop checking our email every five seconds. Taking time to focus on ourselves is how we achieve true balance.”
    • Quote (P. 59): “You find yourself craving time to unplug, because in order to keep the lights on in the business of you, your body literally needs to have time to recharge. Without rest, you can’t be the best version of yourself and you most certainly won’t stay in business, or be any fun to work with, if you are sick and exhausted all the time.”
  • The Daily Highlight — The Daily Highlight is a concept where you decide the one thing that has to get done today, then you make sure you get it done at some point during the day. Each morning when you sit down to get ready to work, ask yourself, “What is the one thing that needs to get done today no matter what?” Setting a Daily Highlight helps create a sense of urgency around that one task. If you can set a Daily Highlight every day of the year, and knock it out, you will end up having a very productive year. And you can always accomplish a lot more than just your Daily Highlight, but it has a way of getting you into focus. Always, always, always make sure you have a Daily Highlight. This is one of my favorite discoveries — it is very useful. 
  • The Three ‘D’s’ of Email — The sheer volume in your email inbox can be really overwhelming sometimes. And as you move up in your company, you will only receive more of it. Email stinks because, most of the time, it’s basically other people asking you to help them with their to-do lists. Email often prevents you from putting yourself first. Think about the Three D’s of Email when you’re dealing with your inbox. Basically, you have one of three options when you receive an email:
    • Do It
    • Delete It
    • Delegate It
  • Take Care of YOU — Again, never apologize for putting yourself first and taking care of you. You know your limits. You know what you need to recharge your battery. You know your goals. You know yourself and your needs better than anyone else. Take time for YOU. You need to be selfish about this, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing so. Do not feel bad about saying “no” to things and people. If people don’t like it, that’s on them, and they probably aren’t worth being around anyway if they have that attitude. Take care of yourself! Never allow other people’s to-do lists to come before you, your health, your sleep, your development, and your family. There are bigger things to life than work. This is one of the big takeaways of this book.
    • Quote (P. 66): “Your body needs rest and love and sweat and self-care as much as you need food and water. It’s time to stop feeling so ashamed of wanting this, and time to start going out and getting it.”
  • Cut Out Distractions — Carve out a block of time every day where you turn off your phone and email in order to get stuff done. Do not take any meetings during this block of time. Do not feel bad about this. When you do this, you eliminate most distractions and allow yourself to focus on YOUR tasks. Again, email is basically where everyone asks you for help with their to-do lists. This block of time allows you to focus exclusively on you and your tasks. 
  • Chapter Takeaway — You must put yourself first. Period. You know yourself and your needs better than anyone else. Never apologize for saying “no” to things and taking time for you. Never allow your job or other people’s to-do lists to come before your health and wellness, your sleep, your family, and our own personal development. Take time every day to literally disconnect from the world by putting your phone away and turning off your email. Balance is so important, and there are so many more important things in life than work.

Ch. 4: Becoming the CEO of You

  • You’re the CEO — You are the CEO of you, and it’s important that you always think of yourself in this way. As the CEO of you, you are constantly in charge of how you feel, where you’re headed, your habits, your decisions, and for your own personal style. Being the CEO of yourself requires the ability (and willingness) to take an honest self-assessment and understand where you need to improve. At the end of the day, there’s nobody else who is looking out for you but you. Always monitor how you’re feeling.
    • Quote (P. 71): “Yes, you are working in business, but you are also running a business: the business of you. You are a walking, talking, living, breathing business — and you are the CEO. Your personal brand, your mental health, your physical health, your stamina, and your habits are just a few of the critical pieces in managing the C-suite of you.”
  • Tradeoffs & Sacrifice — Every decision you make comes with tradeoffs and sacrifices. Every one of them. It is critical that you consider these tradeoffs before making a big decision in life. This applies to everything, including which career path you choose, who you select as a life partner, which college you want to attend, and more. It also applies to things like your values and habits — for example, if you choose to be a hard worker in life, you’re going to have to sacrifice things like parties, time with friends, and being “liked” by everyone. As Michael Jordan said, “Winning has a price.” Failing to weigh these tradeoffs can be a big mistake.
    • Quote (P. 75): “When you haven’t weighed all the tradeoffs for any choice you want to make or for any role you are about to take on, then you risk the possibility of being miserable, burning out, not doing a good job, and wasting a ton of time. When you get crystal clear on the good, bad, and ugly of any choice you are about to make, you can get yourself mentally prepared for what may happen.”
    • Quote (P. 76): “When you can check yourself before you wreck yourself, which means getting clear on what the tradeoffs are FIRST, you set yourself up for success and can save so much disappointment on the back end.”
    • Quote (P. 77): “Everything involves sacrifice. Everything includes some sort of cost. Nothing is pleasurable or uplifting all of the time. So the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate?”
  • Compete With Yourself — It’s human nature to compare yourself with others, but that kind of behavior is detrimental to your progress. The only person you should ever compete with is yourself. Your goal is to get 1% better every day and be a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday. When you compete with yourself, you can all but eliminate certain nonproductive emotions like jealousy. Compete with yourself, and perform at such a high level that you make others compete with you. That’s the mindset.
    • Quote (P. 80): “Comparison is deadly, especially as the CEO of you, because you must understand that NO ONE does it your way. No one has your specific set of gifts, talents, and ideas, so you cannot measure your success by comparing it to the success of others.”
  • Interesting Fact — The Journal of Science has found that jealousy actually activates a region of the brain involved in processing pain. No wonder jealousy hurts! 
  • Stop Hating, Start Studying — If you do find yourself feeling jealous about somebody else’s success, rather than sulking and feeling bad about yourself, get to work on improving so you can create your own success. Study successful people, and develop the habits that they seem to have in common. Study, learn, and work hard on improving yourself. These actions are far more productive than pouting because you’re jealous of somebody else. Negative emotions like jealousy are unproductive, distracting, and they drain your energy. Stay focused on you and your development. 
  • Go Above and Beyond — Be thoughtful in life, especially toward those you care about.  Always be thinking of those you love, and do things randomly that will make their day. No matter how big or small, thoughtful gestures toward people mean a lot. At work, always go above and beyond what you’re asked to do. Go the extra mile and pay attention to details — it makes an impression. When you’re constantly over-delivering, you separate yourself from others and build a reputation for producing high-quality work.
    • Quote (P. 85): “You can also ask yourself questions like: How can I surprise and delight my spouse, boss, or friends today? How can I do the opposite of what everyone expects at work or at home? What can I do to exceed expectations with my clients or family this week?”
  • Don’t Give a Hoot! — People are going to talk about you and form an opinion of you no matter what you do. Might as well be yourself! At the end of the day, everybody else’s opinion of you is irrelevant. Focus on what you can control, and focus on improving every day. Stay disciplined to your habits and daily routine. Work hard. Be nice. If people don’t like it, they can kick rocks. As long as you’re working hard and improving every day, that’s all that matters. Most people aren’t doing these things, so their opinion of you shouldn’t hold a lot of weight.
    • Quote (P. 86): “I hate to break it to you, but people already don’t like you. People are already talking about you — and people are already judging you. Once you realize this, the question becomes not ‘What will these people think of me?’ but rather ‘Who are you living your life for — you or them?’ If they are already talking about you, you might as well give them something to talk about!”
  • Be Yourself! — By being your authentic self, you also attract people into your life who genuinely like the real you. The last thing you want to do is pretend to be someone you’re not to impress someone else (e.g. for a relationship with someone you like). Even if they do like the fake version of you at first, that’s not sustainable; eventually things will break down because that’s not who you really are. Be yourself! If people don’t like it, oh well.
    • Quote (P. 86): “This is what you want: to work with and be around people who get the real you, not some BS version of yourself you put out there.”
  • Chapter Takeaway — You are the CEO of you! And if you want business to be booming, you need to constantly have an eye on the future and where you want to go. Take time every single day to work on your own personal development. Work on you and your skills. Understand that every decision and path in life comes with a sacrifice/tradeoff. Make sure that you weigh the tradeoffs before making a big decision — do not decide blindly. 

Ch. 5: Find Your Tribe and Love Them Hard

  • You Can’t Do It Alone — Your surrounding cast has a major impact on how you live your life. Whether it’s through coaches, mentors, or heroes, you need people to help you along the way on your journey. Pay attention to who you have around you. Are they pushing you to be better, or are they draining your energy and telling you what isn’t possible? Surround yourself with high-quality influences. This doesn’t nearly mean you need to know them — you can be mentored by someone through their book, or podcast, or YouTube channel. It’s more about the voices you’re letting influence you and what you’re feeding your mind. Make sure you’re feeding your mind with positive content that helps you learn and keeps you striving for more. 
    • Quote (P. 94): “Additionally, the quality of your life experiences is determined by the quality of people in your life.”
    • Quote (P. 94): “You need people in it with you too. Your guest list should consist of mentors, coaches, heroes, authors you read, inspiring people you follow on social, lifelong friends who are family, people you share a passion with, and colleagues who lift you up.”
  • Other People’s Happiness = Not Your Responsibility — It sounds harsh because we’re so conditioned to please everyone, but you are not responsible for another person’s happiness. You are responsible for your happiness, that’s it. Everyone else has to find their own internal peace and happiness. If you are in a deep romantic relationship with someone, then yes, there is definitely a responsibility for both parties to make compromises and be a source of happiness for each other. But everyone needs to find their own happiness in life, and it has to come from within. It comes from living with gratitude and appreciation for life. That’s not on you. When you feel pressure to make someone else happy in their life, you begin to make decisions that may not be what YOU really want. You’re trying to please the other person. Similarly, do not allow your happiness in life to become tied to one person (or thing). When you do, how you feel in life becomes completely dependent on that person. If things are going well with that person, you feel like you’re on Cloud Nine. When things aren’t going well with that person, you find yourself in a mental hell hole.
    • Quote (P. 95): “Real talk: you are not responsible for the happiness of everyone around you. It’s not sustainable, fun, or healthy to always be worrying about and taking care of everyone. People must show up for themselves; you can’t save anyone else. You can inspire and encourage, yet you cannot hold yourself hostage for someone else’s happiness.”
  • Zero Tolerance for Negativity — As the first bullet in this chapter outlined, you are heavily influenced by who is around you and what you feed your mind. Have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to negativity. Do not allow complainers, whiners, and blamers to infiltrate your supporting cast. Do not feed your mind with negative content, whether that’s music, podcasts, books, or movies. That kind of content can have a surprisingly big impact on your mood and outlook. Do not allow negativity in. 
    • Quote (P. 98): “You can catch bad energy as quickly as you can catch a cold. Just like good energy can keep you well, bad energy around you can make you sick. You should make it a goal to have a zero-tolerance policy for negative people, places, and things.”
  • See Your People — As a manager or someone in a position of leadership, the last thing you want to do is hide in your office and not engage with your people. You’re leading real humans; humans who have emotions, feelings, dreams, and lives of their own. Show a genuine interest in your people. Acknowledge them. Engage with them. Ask them how they’re doing. When you seclude yourself behind your office doors you begin to “lose the locker room.” Disconnect takes place, and people start to see themselves as working for you rather than working with you. 
    • Quote (P. 104): “The one thing you can do as a leader to change the game is to see your people. Acknowledge them, encourage them, compliment them, coach them, and spend time with them. Work with your people, rather than having them work for you. When you decide to lead as the great Oz that hides behind the curtain, or you don’t hang out in the break room, you end up secluding yourself. This creates a great disconnect inside your organization. This disconnect can create bad energy, a toxic environment, and lead to increased turnover.”
  • Worst Case Scenarios — When you are working on untangling your feelings and confronting your fear, let yourself off the hook a little because it IS scary. Allow yourself to go to the worst-case scenario for a minute. What is the worst that could happen? And more importantly, what GOOD could happen? It can be helpful to fill out the template below. The moment you get your scary thoughts out of your head and down onto paper, you will see that most times the things you are afraid of aren’t that big of a deal to begin with, and that they are manageable.
  • What Would <Insert Hero> Do? — Think of someone you really admire, respect, and look up to. When you get in a situation that really triggers you, think: “What would <Insert Hero> do in this situation? How would <Insert Hero> handle and treat this other person right now?” Chances are, your hero wouldn’t pop off and let their frustration get the best of them. It sounds a little silly, but this really does work because it shifts your perspective. Use this tool when you get really frustrated about a situation.
    • Quote (P. 112): “Then you will shift your perspective and put yourself in the positive space of someone you look up to. How would Marie (Forleo), or BrenĂŠ (Brown), or Oprah (Winfrey) handle this? Would they lash out? Nope. Would they hide? Nope. Would they react? Nope. This will help you check yourself before you wreck yourself and put your headspace into the clouds a little with someone you admire.”
  • Chapter Takeaway — Make sure you’re surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people who push you to be better every day. And pay very close attention to what you’re feeding your mind; try to consume content that is educational and positive. These things have a surprisingly big impact on your mood and outlook on life. 

Ch. 6: The Magic of Momentum

  • Just. Get. Started. — When it comes to facing a fear or overcoming procrastination, simply getting started is so key. When you get started, even if it’s a tiny step in the right direction, you start to build momentum. And when you get the ball rolling, it’s fairly easy to keep it rolling. Take public speaking, for example. If you can just overcome your initial fear and attend that first Toastmasters class, you start to build positive momentum. A few weeks later, you overcome another major hurdle by making your first speech in front of the group. Before you know it, you’re delivering speeches regularly, slowly melting your fear of public speaking with each presentation. That’s the power of momentum.
    • Quote (P. 15): “Forward momentum is everything. If fear has an archival, it’s action.”
  • Never “Go Through the Motions” — You should strive for excellence in every area of your life. Avoid simply going through the motions. Push yourself to be a high-achiever who produces high-quality work on a consistent basis. When you go through the motions, it comes off as sloppy and shows others around you that your work doesn’t matter to you. Care about your work.
    • Quote (P. 124): “Going through the motions is the kiss of career death, and that energy tells your team, and those around you, that what you do doesn’t matter to you.”
  • Think Brick, Not Wall — As Will Smith talked about in his book, Will, focus on breaking down into small pieces big goals or projects. When you break a big project into small pieces, it allows you to get started and build momentum. All of the sudden, the big project doesn’t seem as daunting. As Will put it, don’t think about building the wall; focus on laying one brick at a time. I take this approach to all of my tasks, including reading. Rather than thinking about reading a full book, I focus on knocking out 15-20 pages per day. 
  • No Shortcuts In Life — There are no shortcuts in life. You have to put the work in. Anything that is presented as a “shortcut” or a “quick fix” is likely a scam. The only way to master a skill or improve yourself is through a lot of hard work, sacrifice, and discipline. Anybody who has achieve a high level of success in life wasn’t “lucky”; that person’s success is the result putting in the work every day for a very long period of time.
    • Quote (P. 126): “No one comes out of nowhere. Most of the people you look up to have put in thousands and thousands of hours of work. There’s really no shortcut to success.”
    • Quote (P. 127): “A longcut requires focus, patience, and sacrifice. When you’re training for the marathon, a longcut looks like the six months of Saturday mornings where you were out logging miles instead of catching brunch with your friends.”
  • Take Action! — The key to overcoming any fear is to attack it and take action on it. Scary things don’t get any easier; you have to get stronger. And the way you get stronger is by consistently attacking what you’re scared of until the fear melts away. At that point, the confidence and skills you’ve developed make the thing you were once scared to death of seem a lot less scary. Public speaking is a good example — the more speeches you give, the more comfortable you become on stage. Over time, you’ll develop some serious confidence and skills on stage.
    • Quote (P. 127): “The more action you take, the better you get; and the better you get, the more confident you will become. Doing scary things never gets easier, but you will get stronger, more confident, more skilled, and more resilient.”
  • Test Yourself Daily: The Fear Experiment — Make it a habit to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation every day. The task can be small or big, but try to do something that scares you every day (Holler calls these mini tests “Fear Experiments”). For example, if you’re naturally quiet and don’t say much in meetings, challenge yourself to speak up and say one thing in every meeting going forward. Take selfies in public, dance in your car, talk to a stranger — the more you do things like this that are naturally uncomfortable for you, the stronger you get and the more you grow.
    • Quote (P. 128): “The goal of any fear experiment is to get uncomfortable, on purpose, and the more you do this, the more comfortable you will get being uncomfortable!”
  • Chapter Takeaway — Scary things will never get less scary, just like tough things in life will never get easier. You must get stronger. You get stronger by consistently attacking fear and deliberately putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Take action. Make it a habit to purposely push yourself out of your comfort zone daily. The more you do this, the more you grow. 

Ch. 7: Your Homeboy, Fear

  • Bet on Yourself — When you are constantly pushing yourself to improve every day, what you’re really doing is betting on you. You’re building yourself up to a point where you have the confidence and skills to handle any situation you encounter. That’s ultimately the goal of personal development — to become so strong that you have complete confidence and trust in yourself to handle anything life throws at you. 
    • Quote (P. 140): “When you bet on you, not anything or anyone else, you start to live with a confidence that allows you to handle all the stuff (self-doubt, anxiety, guilt, shame) fear will throw at you, and to handle it like a real boss. This means you are betting your success, your physical health, your mental health, your career, your happiness, and your financial security on yourself. You aren’t waiting for anything or anyone else to help you get it. You are taking action every day to make sure you have your own back.”